Perfectionist living

I have always found myself to be somewhat of a perfectionist.

I feel like sometimes this is interpreted as a good thing. It can be. It makes me double check my work, dedicate much time and effort to things, makes me feel more organized, etc.

Some days, it feels like the complete opposite.

Some days, being a perfectionist makes me feel a little neurotic. When you typically put so much time, effort, energy, etc. into things and then one time you don’t, you can feel like everything around you is crashing down.

This happened to me recently. I let my guard down in a setting that I normally would not and I have not been able to stop overthinking it. Looking back, I feel like I wasn’t myself, but in the moment, I felt like I was fine. “Dealing with” the aftermath of letting myself relax a little bit has led me into an anxious spiral. I say “dealing with” very loosely because this is completely internal.

Have you ever gone through this? I know that not everyone has, but I certainly know a lot of people that have, many times. It can truly feel like a constant state of panic.

I have grown up with anxiety. It’s something I have learned to live with and manage. I can’t even explain how much better I have gotten over the years. When I look back, it makes me extremely proud of myself as I have put a LOT of effort into this. It has not completely gone away, and I’m not sure that it ever will.

I do know that I am going to continue bettering myself. I am going to take this experience as a tremendous opportunity to grow. I am going to focus on always being true to myself and what I believe in, know that it’s okay to make mistakes and to not always be perfect and to know that we are all human. No matter how hard you try to be great all of the time, we are all going to have our not so great moments. We make mistakes, we slip up, but these moments give us the opportunity for growth.

If you have ever gone through a moment or a thought process like this, I feel for you. I get it. I understand that it might not make sense to anyone else, but you. Just remember that you are not “crazy.” You are a human with feelings and emotions and you make mistakes. You can grow from this, as will I.